Pain Is An Illusion

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the phrase “choose your hard”. The idea that easy today leads to a harder tomorrow, while intentional hardship today creates strength and freedom later. In that same vein, I’ve come to believe something even more powerful:

“Pain, the kind we choose, is an illusion.”

 When Pain Is a Teacher, Not a Threat

Let me explain. We can’t avoid pain. But we can choose when it shows up.

You can choose a little soreness in the gym today, or deal with chronic pain and physical limitations 20 years from now because you didn’t move your body. You can choose the short-term discomfort of failure and rejection, or live with the long-term pain of regret and untapped potential. And maybe most importantly:

You can choose to see pain not as the enemy, but as the signal you’re doing something that matters.

 The Illusion of Pain (and What It Reveals)

When I run long distances, pain shows up. Legs get heavy. Knees tighten. Breathing shortens.
But if I stay in it long enough, something interesting happens:
My body finds a rhythm. My mind starts to drift. And suddenly… I’m not thinking about the pain. I’m thinking about everything else — life, memories, possibilities, purpose.

Ultra-runners call this space the pain cave. It’s not a place to fear — it’s a place to train. A place to explore. A place to evolve. Because pain, in that context, isn’t there to break you. It’s there to reveal you.

Discomfort ≠ Danger

The same thing happens when I meditate, especially using a Shakti mat. It’s essentially a mat with thousands of spikes that presses into your back and shoulders. It sounds like torture, but it’s actually a tool for focused healing and intentional discomfort. When I lie down on it, my instinct is to flinch. My brain screams, “This hurts! Stop!”

But I breathe through it. I remind myself: “This isn’t damage. This is discomfort. And I’m still in control.”

And just like that, pain transforms into presence. Tension gives way to calm. The illusion fades.

Pain Is a Signal — Not a Stop Sign

Most people stop the moment they feel pain. Why wouldn’t they? From the time we’re kids, we’re taught pain means something is wrong or that it’s dangerous.

But not all pain is harmful.

·         Some pain is a signal of growth.

·         Some pain is the body adapting.

·         Some pain is old stories being rewritten.

The same way a muscle has to tear before it rebuilds stronger, we sometimes have to lean into the discomfort to build the mental and emotional strength we need for what’s next.

Your Body Lies to Protect You

In researching my next book, I dug into the science of pain perception.
Here’s what it says:

• Pain is highly subjective. Two people can experience the same stimulus, and rate the pain level wildly differently.

• Mental framing changes everything. Studies show that when people expect pain to serve a purpose (healing, strength, transformation), their pain tolerance increases significantly.

• Neuroplasticity is real. You can train your brain to reinterpret pain; not as a stop sign, but as a checkpoint.

That means you don’t have to eliminate pain, you just have to learn how to move through it.

What Does That Look Like? 

• Pain at mile 4, but your training plan says 5? Good.

• Get the 46th “no” from potential clients? Good.

• Heart pounding before speaking in public? Good.

None of that pain is malicious. It’s not there to destroy you. It’s there to build you. Discomfort is the cost of transformation. And learning to embrace that discomfort with gratitude, not resistance, is how you become unstoppable.

Final Message: Pain Is a Doorway. Walk Through It.

The pain of progress is not the same as the pain that broke you.

When you choose your pain, when you lean into discomfort, when you train your mind to recognize the illusion… That’s when you win.

Because on the other side of that illusion?

Freedom. Growth. The person you were meant to become.

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This week, flip the script. Ask yourself:
What discomfort am I avoiding that I actually need to grow through?

• Is it the pain of starting over?

• The pain of putting yourself out there?

• The physical pain of a workout you’ve been dodging?

• The emotional pain of showing up consistently with no applause?

Write it down. Lean into it. And remind yourself: “This pain is not here to break me… It’s here to build me.”

Pain is temporary.
Growth is permanent.
And you’re stronger than the illusion.

Hard Isn’t Always Physical

When I sat down to write my book, The Overcomer’s Journey, I only had a rough idea of what I wanted to say. I figured it would be about discipline, grit, resilience and targeted to people dealing with kidney issues. But as I dove deeper into the book, I found that what I was saying is universal. And over time, my social media naturally followed that path: physical challenges, hard work, pushing limits.

But what did not make the highlight reel… The hardest things I’ve done weren’t physical.

The Other Kind of Hard

Before writing my book, the last thing I’d written was a term paper or a Pearl Jam-inspired song lyric in high school. So, putting together nearly 200 pages of personal stories, vulnerability, and inspiration? That was hard as hell.

Getting it published? Harder.
Promoting it? Even harder.
Oh by the way, I work full-time and have a family.

What about building a social media presence? Or writing a blog every week? Or sending out a newsletter to the five people brave enough to sign up? Or making content for 69 followers who might scroll past it in 1.4 seconds?

That’s hard too. And while I’m grateful for every single follower, there are days when I seriously wonder what the hell I’m doing.

Comparison Is Easy. Creating Is Hard.

I scroll and see someone in a cape talking about their spoon’s ability to talk or crazy conspiracies with a hundred thousand followers… and here I am pouring heart, soul, and strategy into every post, hoping it lands with someone. Just one person.

This isn’t a complaint. It’s a reminder that non-physical challenges — the mental, emotional, internal ones — are just as brutal.
And they require the same mindset:
Endure.
Focus.
Keep going even when it feels invisible.

When the World Feels Heavy

And then there are weeks like this one. A prominent public figure is assassinated. Another school shooting. A woman needlessly loses her life on a subway car. The country, more divided than ever.

All of it… hard. All of it… heartbreaking. And then someone I care about tells me their loved one has cancer.

Every. Single. Bit. Hard.

I'm not here to unpack politics or debate sides.
But I am here to offer perspective; something I learned the hard way after my transplant. Life is short. Unpredictable.

And way too precious to spend sitting in comparison, self-doubt, or stagnation.

What’s the Point?

Here’s what I’ve realized: hard isn’t exclusive to the physical.

Writing a book was hard.
Showing up for a community that’s still finding me? Hard.
Processing a world that feels like it’s breaking? Also hard.

But you know what’s even harder?

Quitting on yourself.

Every week, I remind myself why I started:
Not for the likes.
Not for the metrics.
But for the one person who feels unseen, unheard, or undone. The one person who might read this and remember that they’re not alone.

Maybe that person is you right now.

Maybe you’re in a season where the weights you carry aren’t on your back or shoulders; they’re on your mind and heart. And no one else sees them.

But you’re still standing. Still showing up. That’s not weakness. That’s strength.

Final Message: You’re Doing Better Than You Think

So, if you’re pushing through something no one else can see. If you’re carrying mental loads, quiet fears, personal battles… Know this:

You’re not invisible. You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re becoming.

Take a breath. Take inventory.

What non-physical “hard” are you carrying right now?
Write it down. Don’t minimize it. Name it. Honor it. Then take one step forward… however small.

If this blog resonated with you; share it with someone else who might need a reminder that not all battles are visible but they’re still worth fighting.

You're not alone in this.
Let’s keep showing up… together.

Be the Unmatched Sock

What a missing sock can teach us about hope, belief, and becoming.

We’ve all got one lonely sock in the drawer or maybe several mismatched socks. The ones whose partner vanished into the laundry vortex, never to return. And yet… you don’t throw them away.

You keep them. Just in case, because maybe, just maybe, a match will reappear.

Maybe one is stuck in a pant leg or hiding in a hoodie sleeve. Maybe there’s still hope. So, you hold on to it or them.

Now let me ask you this:
If you can have that much hope for a missing sock…
Why can’t you have that same hope for yourself?

That sock isn’t just a sock.
It’s a metaphor. It’s the symbol of hope you didn’t even know you had. You didn’t discard it. You didn’t label it useless. You gave it time. You gave it space. You believed in its return.
And if you can do that for a sock…

Why not do that for your dreams?
For your goals?
For the version of you that’s been buried under doubt, fear, or fatigue?

FACTS:
You are not broken.
You are not missing.
You are in a moment of in-between. You’re in the chapter before the reunion.
And every day you show up, even mismatched, even uncertain, you’re closer to becoming whole.

You don’t throw yourself away because you’re not perfectly paired with purpose yet.

You don’t have to be complete to be worthy. You don’t need the “matching piece” to start moving. Sometimes, the unmatched sock gets a new role: A cleaning rag. A DIY puppet. A cozy sleep sock.

In the same way, maybe this version of you has value right now, even before the full picture comes together.

The Challenge

This week, I challenge you to:

• Be the unmatched sock.

• Keep showing up even when it’s not perfect.

• Believe in the version of you that’s still searching.

• Have hope for your reunion with the dream, the purpose, the passion.

Because here’s the truth:
If you can believe in a sock you haven’t seen in six months…
You can believe in yourself.

The Danger of the Comfort Zone

We all enjoy the comforts of a safe place; whether that is our basic needs like food and shelter or a familiar groove where everything feels stable with friends, work, and family. But what if that “safe” space is quietly eroding your dreams, ambition, and sense of self? Staying comfortable may feel harmless…until you wake up far from who you once hoped you'd be.

Believe me, I have been there: stable job, house, family, food on the table and just drifting through each day taking for granted the things I had. When I was diagnosed with my kidney disease, it was the eye-opening dose of reality that I needed. I looked in the mirror and saw a middle-aged man, overweight, out of shape, and a complete shell of the person I thought I would once be.

While I may have been challenging myself at work, I was not challenging myself in life. I was not working towards becoming better in any facet of my life. That comfort began to erode my self-respect and believe me when I say, once you lose that, you are headed in a very bad direction.

The time in self-reflection after my diagnosis was a stark wake up call. I needed a change.

Between diagnosis and my transplant, I took the time and put energy towards making that change. It was challenging for sure, but not nearly as challenging as looking myself in the mirror each morning thinking “what a loser!” Change meant I needed to take risks, be vulnerable, step outside my comfort zone and into the forge.

I had to get over the fear of being vulnerable enough to ask for a donor. I had to get over the fear of running and exposing myself to being a goofy overweight man trying to run a marathon. Sharing my story publicly through this blog, Instagram, and my book? Absolutely terrifying.

But in taking those risks, in stepping outside my comfort zone, in being open to being exposed and vulnerable, I grew. I continue to grow. As a result, my confidence improves each time I accomplish something, my fear of trying something hard has diminished, and in a surprising twist, I am no longer comfortable being comfortable.

So, you might be asking, how far do I step out? There is no one size fits all answer but you should think about Goldie Locks. Too little discomfort – you remain stagnant. Too much discomfort – you get frustrated and quit. But there is a sweet spot and finding it may require some trial and error. For example, if you can comfortably walk around your neighborhood once, trying to do it 10 times may be too far of a stretch and 1.5 times may not be hard enough.

Public speaking a challenge? Talking in front of your best friend is too easy, but giving a TED Talk at Madison Square Garden without building up to it is probably too far.

There have been many psychological studies that have proven pushing yourself just beyond your comfort level has major positive psychological impacts in how you progress towards goals, personal growth, and shifting how you see yourself.

So, ask yourself: Am I stick in a rut? What have I done to push myself recently? What have I always wanted to do or try but have been too afraid to do it?

Now, write it down. Create an action plan. Get uncomfortable. Do it!

How Physical Strength Builds Mental Strength

The First Step That Changes Everything

Momentum doesn’t come from thinking about doing something. It doesn’t come from waiting until you “feel ready.” It begins the moment you take that very first step. Lace up your shoes. Step into the gym. Hit the trail. Pick up the weights. That’s where it starts: one decision, one action.

But here’s the beauty: once you take that step, momentum begins to build. The small spark of effort turns into a flame. Over time, that flame becomes a fire. A fire that not only powers your workouts, but ignites transformation in your mind.

How the Physical Translates to the Mental

At first, exercise feels like something separate, just something you do for your body. But what you quickly discover is that the physical grind is training something far deeper. Every rep strengthens your discipline. Every mile tests your resilience. Every drop of sweat builds your capacity to endure when life pushes back.

Confidence doesn’t magically appear. It is something that’s built rep by rep, run by run, choice by choice. Before you realize it, the discipline you practice in the gym or on the trail starts bleeding into other areas of your life: how you approach your work, your relationships, your goals.

The lesson you ask? Discipline is transferable. Strength doesn’t stay in the weight room. No, it shows up in your character. It shows up in your attitude.

The Organic Transformation

Here’s the part no one tells you: it’s not about forcing transformation, it’s about allowing it to happen. When you show up consistently, when the new habits become normal, the shift takes place almost without you noticing.

Suddenly, waking up early to train isn’t a battle. It’s who you are. Tackling a hard project doesn’t feel overwhelming. It’s just the next rep. Obstacles don’t paralyze you anymore because you’ve trained yourself to push through.

The physical momentum powers the mental, and the mental momentum makes you unstoppable.

Stop Sitting on the Sidelines

Life doesn’t reward hesitation. It rewards action. You can either watch from the sidelines, waiting for the “perfect moment,” or you can take that first step today.

It doesn’t matter where you start. What matters is that you start. Because one step leads to another, and before you know it, you’re not just stronger. You’re more confident, more resilient, and more capable than you ever imagined.

The transformation begins the moment you choose to move.

So, what are you waiting for? Take that step. Build that momentum. And watch how your physical strength creates the mental strength to overcome anything in your way.